You really coming over, don't trick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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