i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
