I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
