well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
