Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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