how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
