Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
