I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
