Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
