Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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