You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
