I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have already put on my inside pants.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
