Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
