we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
