I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
