the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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