He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize