If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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