I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
