Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
