we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
