im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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