I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
