Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
