friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
