its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize