If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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