Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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