He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
