I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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