Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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