I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
