i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
