; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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