watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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