At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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