Ambien. No doubt about it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
