so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
