Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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