I think my fart just growled at me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
