maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My ass is underappreciated
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
