i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
