I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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