3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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