Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
