Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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