Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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