My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
