please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
