He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
