he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
