Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
