He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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