How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
