i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
