Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
