I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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