Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize