I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
