just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
