look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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