Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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