Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
