Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
