based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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