Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
