I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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