so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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