I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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