wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
