i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize