you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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