Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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