Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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