I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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