I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
