Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
