I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
