I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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