Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
