I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need help removing her.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize