Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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