It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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