I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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