Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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