It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
